Gentleness
Holding ourselves in hardened times.
A couple of days ago I participated in a Taiji class. It happened in a practice with a partner, in which one has to maintain the center, while the other person tries to push and decenter you with the minimum muscular effort but grounded intention. Per se, a very interesting and symbolic exercise that gives an embodied sense of centeredness, and decenteredness. I couldn’t hold the pose and stay centered the way I had intended to and released a sound of dissatisfaction with myself. The instructor standing beside me noticed and plainly said: “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
That simple comment struck a deep cord within and opened a door to my awareness and inner being. In that instant I was reminded of the many times I’m criticising myself for not living up to my expectations. The voice within that pushes me down. I suddenly knew and remembered all the times, hours or even days, in which I allowed that voice to make me small. Anxiety and doubt spreading its dark roots within myself keeping me from stepping up and shining my light.
During the following days the seed of light took root in me too and a new understanding and softness became alive. For the first time I simply noticed, not judged, that there are things I haven’t figured out yet, situations in which I don’t feel comfortable or do not yet have the courage to take full responsibility yet. To see this and be able to accept it, with gentleness, instead of criticism - made for a huge relief - walking through that wide door that had been opened days ago. That came with a feeling of a dropped heavy stone - the self-criticism-burdon. Where once was hardness and judgement of myself, now a space of gentle awareness emerges.
I’m learning that we cannot hold everything, all the time. There are situations that overwhelm us, emotions that catch us and patterns that limit us - Yet we can hold them gently and learn to trust in their passing and transformation - them being possibilities of growth when embraced with gentleness.
Practice Gentleness - actively and with care
Take a few minutes a day (or various times a day) to literally hug yourself and caress your body. Maybe a certain part of your body calls for extra attention? Allow yourself to touch it gently - feel softness and ease filling your being.
Remind yourself of not being too hard on yourself and let yourself be held in your own gentleness and compassion.
© Analog medium format photo of our Cat Yaguara in her natural habitat
Holding and caressing ourselves gently - as if petting our beloved cats.
